All of the films by Hayao Miyazaki are masterpieces in my mind. They appeal to all elements in my being and soul. Ponyo is a masterpiece on all levels.
Just watch it…
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Fresh paint, new title…
I am starting over with this blog, new title, new cover, nothing custom. I will be able to maintain this from anywhere including that iPad being assembled in Taiwan right now with my name on it. No distraction from this or that tool, custom script hacking, etc. Just writing. How did I get here?
After the end of chemo last November, life slowly returned to normal. Which means, there was less pain, but all my bad habits crept back.
More than 50 years of life have ground deep ruts in my path, and I simply slipped back. My habits are not bad - I brush my teeth and floss, wear fresh underwear, always make the bed, and clean my dishes. But I focus too much on the things that must be done, and not on the things that should be. How much time do you spend on the things that would matter on your death bed versus what you just have to do today?
I spent too much time on work, and not enough with the people that matter. I spent too much effort staying on track, and not enough getting off the track. I want to be there for the ones I love, I want to write, learn music, move to my next stage. And I am not and do not…
I do not think of myself as stressed, but deep down I really am. So I became ill again. First with a bad sinus infection. Several weeks later, I realized that I still had a continuous, low level headache on my left side. My left eye and ear were aching, there was sensitivity on the top of my skull. I became nervous.
Time for my yearly colonoscopy, done almost to the date of my first cancer diagnosis. The results were ok, not great, but ok. Since I was in the mode, I made an appointment with my Dr. concerning the headache.
There was no definite diagnosis, since there was no rash. Shingles was at the top, temporal arthritis was second, and pain due to brain edema third - a remote chance of tumor. It clearly was the elephant in the room, the 'c' word not mentioned. I immediately scheduled a CT scan of the brain. I was not panicked. But that evening I told Byron, my son, that I was scared. It kind of burst out. Then I felt bad for making him worried.
The next morning I saw a rash! What would have been bad news was suddenly good. I rejoiced over shingles, confirmed by my Dr. later that day! I cancelled the CT scan with elation.
Shingles are not fun! As I am writing this, my left eye is swollen shut. I have an ugly rash reaching from my skull across my left eye lids to my nose. It is burning, it is painful. There are stabbing pains in the rash, the ear, the eye. Shingles often lead to permanent scars, vision and hearing damage, and long term neuralgia. I feel pain, malaise, headache. Up to this morning, I was depressed…
I am on anti-viral medications, and I pulled out a vial of Hydrocodone from surgery a year ago. It brought a relaxing relief for a few hours, but by evening the effect was gone. I stopped taking them. I have not slept well for many days, so I tried Temazepam, also left over from my days of tribulation. Not sure it helped much. Today I decided to just use Tylenol for now, wear sun glasses, if I go outside to not frighten the little kids with my look, and ride that river.
The worst is yet to come, when the rash postules burst. I will be infectious to Cheryl, who has never had chicken pox.
It will pass. Just a few clouds drifting by…
It's not cancer. All I have to do is remember, and this is easy!
As I sit in bed unable to do much, I can be easy on myself. I can procrastinate on those taxes, I can leave myself an out, stop the cart, get out of the ruts. Put some paint on this blog, and start some new patterns. As I was laying awake at night, I had some fascinating ideas, I can fabulate about those!
And at the times, my eye is not burning too much, I can drag out my Nintendo DS and be a kid. I started Final Fantasy III afresh. Should have played it when Bryn was doing it some three or four years ago, and be in her head with her. Now she is far away, merrily pouncing into her future. But in playing, I can remember. And in May, I will see her on stage in Portland.
Listening to Yagya "Rigning"over and over - hypnotic... Thinking out loud by writing.
This is going to be a great spring!
After the end of chemo last November, life slowly returned to normal. Which means, there was less pain, but all my bad habits crept back.
More than 50 years of life have ground deep ruts in my path, and I simply slipped back. My habits are not bad - I brush my teeth and floss, wear fresh underwear, always make the bed, and clean my dishes. But I focus too much on the things that must be done, and not on the things that should be. How much time do you spend on the things that would matter on your death bed versus what you just have to do today?
I spent too much time on work, and not enough with the people that matter. I spent too much effort staying on track, and not enough getting off the track. I want to be there for the ones I love, I want to write, learn music, move to my next stage. And I am not and do not…
I do not think of myself as stressed, but deep down I really am. So I became ill again. First with a bad sinus infection. Several weeks later, I realized that I still had a continuous, low level headache on my left side. My left eye and ear were aching, there was sensitivity on the top of my skull. I became nervous.
Time for my yearly colonoscopy, done almost to the date of my first cancer diagnosis. The results were ok, not great, but ok. Since I was in the mode, I made an appointment with my Dr. concerning the headache.
There was no definite diagnosis, since there was no rash. Shingles was at the top, temporal arthritis was second, and pain due to brain edema third - a remote chance of tumor. It clearly was the elephant in the room, the 'c' word not mentioned. I immediately scheduled a CT scan of the brain. I was not panicked. But that evening I told Byron, my son, that I was scared. It kind of burst out. Then I felt bad for making him worried.
The next morning I saw a rash! What would have been bad news was suddenly good. I rejoiced over shingles, confirmed by my Dr. later that day! I cancelled the CT scan with elation.
Shingles are not fun! As I am writing this, my left eye is swollen shut. I have an ugly rash reaching from my skull across my left eye lids to my nose. It is burning, it is painful. There are stabbing pains in the rash, the ear, the eye. Shingles often lead to permanent scars, vision and hearing damage, and long term neuralgia. I feel pain, malaise, headache. Up to this morning, I was depressed…
I am on anti-viral medications, and I pulled out a vial of Hydrocodone from surgery a year ago. It brought a relaxing relief for a few hours, but by evening the effect was gone. I stopped taking them. I have not slept well for many days, so I tried Temazepam, also left over from my days of tribulation. Not sure it helped much. Today I decided to just use Tylenol for now, wear sun glasses, if I go outside to not frighten the little kids with my look, and ride that river.
The worst is yet to come, when the rash postules burst. I will be infectious to Cheryl, who has never had chicken pox.
It will pass. Just a few clouds drifting by…
It's not cancer. All I have to do is remember, and this is easy!
As I sit in bed unable to do much, I can be easy on myself. I can procrastinate on those taxes, I can leave myself an out, stop the cart, get out of the ruts. Put some paint on this blog, and start some new patterns. As I was laying awake at night, I had some fascinating ideas, I can fabulate about those!
And at the times, my eye is not burning too much, I can drag out my Nintendo DS and be a kid. I started Final Fantasy III afresh. Should have played it when Bryn was doing it some three or four years ago, and be in her head with her. Now she is far away, merrily pouncing into her future. But in playing, I can remember. And in May, I will see her on stage in Portland.
Listening to Yagya "Rigning"over and over - hypnotic... Thinking out loud by writing.
This is going to be a great spring!
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